Black and White Memories
by Ezz
Summary: "Bella, you've been in a coma for the last four years" charlie said "you slipped when walking off the plane." My memories are like dreams the more I fight to remember them, the more they fade away I'm not crazy, you say I was dreaming, I know it was real
1. My Story

**AN: THE NEW BEGINING TO BLACK AND WHITE MEMORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

My name is Isabella Cullen,

I was seprated from my family on March 29 2009. I lost my husband, and my daughter as I was somehow knocked out and taken from my home. Memories knocked out of my brain, pictures taken away. I was left to fend for myself. I never stoped looking for my way back, i never stopped fighting, and i never stoped searching for my memories.

This is my story.


	2. The Last Memory

Chapter 1

The Last Memory

_We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.  
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.  
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.  
-David Weatherford_

"Nessie? Bella?" Alice Called, "Where are you?" Of course she knew exactly where we were, but was pretending not to for Renesmees' sake.

Renesmee was officially a year old, she could pass for a five year old though. She loved to play Hide-and-Seek; especially with Alice. Alice always let her win. Today she wanted me to play to. How could I resist? Right now we were hiding behind Edwards Grand Piano. I know, not the best spot but Renesmee picked it out. Sometimes her intelligent side would show but other times she just acted her age.

She giggled her bell laugh as Alice walked by still calling her name.

"Shh you silly girl" I whispered in her ear. Her bronze colored ringlets surrounded my face in a crumpled mess.

"I hear someone giggling" Alice sang and Renesmee looked at me with wide child like eyes. I loved her so much!

Alice walked by again and Renesmee laughed again. This time Alice stopped and looked around. "Where are they" She said to no one in particular, raising her arms in a shrugging motion.

"I give up" As soon as Alice Said that Renesmee jumped out of my arms and ran – pretty fast I might add- into Alice. She wrapped her arms around Alices' legs and looked up at her.

'I'm Right here" Renesmee said. You could hear the smile she had on in her voice. She tugged on the end of Alice's shirt. When Alice didn't acknowledge her, she looked at me questionably. I looked at Alice, She was looking straight ahead, her eyes dilated and she didn't seem to be looking at anything, she seemed to be looking through everything. She was having a vision.

In less than half a second, I had picked up Renesmee holding her away from Alice, making sure she wouldn't try to see what Alice was seeing.

Renesmee could do that. If she concentrated hard enough then while telling someone something she could also see what they were thinking, she had tested it on me with Edward a bunch of times, but she got tiered easy. It was like her power in reverse. "Edward" I called: He and the rest of the family were out hunting. But we had such a strong connection, that he could hear me almost a state away.

I ran outside to the edge of the woods. Renesmee put her hand to my face curious about why I was calling daddy

"I want to talk to him" I tried to smile so she wouldn't get worried. Where was Alice, she hadn't snapped out of her vision yet and I wondered why; they had never been this long before.

"Edwa-"Renesmee was suddenly snatched out of my hands. She screamed a scream that broke my heart. I tried to turn around but my arms were in a massive lock. Someone was holding them. Crushing them against my back, enough that it hurt.

"Mommy!"

Everything went black, I couldn't see hear, or feel anything. My body was becoming all numb.

"Renesmee" I screamed dry sobbing couldn't hear the voice that came out of my mouth. "Edward" I tried. My body felt broke. Then I was falling. I was gone, lost in the never ending abyss of black.

The Awakening

_Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.  
-Kahlil Gibran_

_Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep…_

The high pitch beeping sound was loud near my left ear. It reminded me of all the times I had ended up in the hospital while human. Someone's hand squeezed mine. It was warm and I automatically knew it was Renesmees'… she was ok. I internally sighed in relief.

I was so at peace just lying here, with my eyes closed and Renesmees' hand in mine. I don't remember anything though. How I got here, what happened, and what is that beeping noise?

It's probably just one on Nessie's new toys she got. Alice, Rosalie, and even Esme spoiled her rotten! I felt the blanket slung over me rustle. Edward must be near.

"Edward, can you turn…" I stopped by the sound of my voice. It was something I hadn't heard in over a year. Groggy like I had just woken up with a bad cold.

"Bella?" It wasn't Edward's voice and my eyes flew open. Everything was blurry and bright. Nothing was clear; I couldn't see the specks of dust that polluted the air, or each individual molecule of paint on the white wall in front of me. Wait White? Our room's wall was light yellow.

I frantically looked around the room. The beeping was getting louder and faster. My eyes cleared up to reveal the all too familiar white on white hospital room. _Charlie _was sitting at the edge of the hospital bed; _he _was the one holding my hand.

The erratic beeping was the only sound I heard. Everything was fuzzy. My father's frantic face looking delighted and worried. His mouth was moving but I couldn't hear a word he was saying. The only noise I couldn't block out was the non-stop beeping coming from the heart monitor. I just stared. Watched the little red line jump into a mountain of reality. No! No! I couldn't believe it. I'm' dreaming! Then everything rushed back to me. All my sound, hearing, smell, and touch. They came back as my sanity left.

I started screaming. Tears gushed over my eyes. No! Tears?! No!

"Edward!" Nurses quickly filled the room. I tried to tear out all the needles and tubes that were on and in me.

"Renesmee!" The nurses were now trying to hold me down. I struggled kicking and flailing my arms.

"Jacob!" Thick leather bound straps -which I didn't even know were there- were flung across my chest, pushing into my breast.

"Alice!" Another cold hard leather strap now across my thighs.

"Emmet!" Pressure on my right arm. There pushing it down.

"Rosalie!" A smaller strap around my right wrist.

"Jasper!" Same pressure now on my left hand.

"Esme!" Left wrist covered.

"Carlisle…" my last name was barley a whisper and the last leather strap strung across my feet.

I man walked to the foot of my bed just as I was about to start screaming again.

"If you don't be quiet were going to have to give you some sleep medication. It should knock you out until you feel better, and well enough to be awake." The man said.

"But you can't knock her out she just woke up." Charlie complained. I forgot he was there until he spoke.

"Well I'm sorry sir but rules are rules. I'm just following procedures."

"Do you know how long I have been sitting here wishing, praying asking myself what I did wrong? How long I hoped she would wake from the coma? Four years! Four years! And now you're telling me you might have to knock her out." Charlie spat.

Four years? A coma?

"I see that it must be very difficult for you sir-"

"If you see my point of view then you would get the hell away from me, and my daughter."

"I'm going to get the doctor sir. Then I will be back." The man left the room.

Charlie came and sat next to me again. He grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes.

"I'm so sorry Bella" Sorry? For what?

"Sorry?"

"I don't suppose you remember anything. Hmmm…" Charlie looked down at the floor.

"What are you talking about dad?" The heart monitor started to pick up speed.

"Shh shh calm down." I think he was instructing my heart but he looked at me when he talked. "Bella do you remember coming to forks?"

"Yes how could I forget?"

"Do you remember what happened after you got off the plane. Ahh why am I even asking of course you don't." And the truth was. Until this moment I wasn't sure what had happened to my life. Nothing made any sense to me. Four years ago. That was the year I arrived in Forks.

Charlie continued. "When you got off the plane, you were walking down the steps, it was wet and I knew you were clumsy, but I never thought." He winced and I could see that he was re-living the day.

"Wh-what…" I couldn't finish. I felt myself slipping away from reality. I could literally count down the seconds. 10…

"Bella when you stepped off that plane you slipped and fell down thirty six metal steps." 9…

"You hit your head on almost everyone." 8…

"Two steps from the ground your foot got caught causing your body to fall forward." 7…

"You hit your head on the cement ground, at ten miles per-hour."6…

"Well that's what the doctors said."5…

"In other words the impact was deadly."4…

"All the doctors were surprised you were still breathing."3…

"They air lifted you to Seattle."2…

"Bella" he stopped. 1…

"You've been in a coma for the last four years" 0… Then I heard the Flatlining.

_Life is pleasant.  
Death is peaceful.  
It's the transition that's troublesome  
-Jimi Hendrix_


	3. Awake

**I really don't like putting A.N's unless it is really necessary but this one is, all I have to say (so people will stop getting mad at me) BELLA MAY NOT BE HUMAN! Confusing right! Well it all comes together just keep reading and hold on!**

Chapter 2

Awake

_Love can sometimes be magic.  
But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.  
-Javan_

I was floating. That's about all I dared to know. Yet I also felt detached. Detached from the world, and my body. Like I was emerged in salt water just letting the current flow around me, sweeping me up in its massive arms and cradling me, until it carried me away so slowly that only a whisper of wind tickled my toes. Almost like when Edward would sing to me hold me close to his body and whisper in my ear that I was his forever. I felt him now. I felt the playful, compassionate words lingering at the edges of my ears. I could smell the thick aroma that hung around him like a leather jacket never to be taken off. His smooth marble like skin barley touching my arm as he caressed it slowly.

"Bella, oh Bella, I know you can hear me! Bella" Renée's voice frantically screamed but to me it just sounded like she was far away. I tried to open my eyes but they felt like they were sown shut. I tried to scream but my lips felt the same way.

"Bella" Edwards voice rang loud in my ears. Then I was falling, or being pulled. That's it I was being pulled, by some invisible force. My heart beat was throbbing in my ears. Then it all stopped.

I gasped for air by the sudden surprise. My mouth actually opened. Then I opened my eyes. It was déjà vu all over again. I was still in the hospital room. Still strapped down, and still human.

"Bella!" my mom's face was in front of mine. "Oh Bella" Tears that had been building up in her eyes now spilled over the edges like waterfalls. She pulled me into a hug. A long one to.

"Making up for all the hugs I lost." She whispered in my ear. I hugged her back. My body was on auto pilot while my brain was on overdrive.

My first question was how. Well that pretty much summed up everything concerning questions. How did this happen? How is it possible? I can't dream or think that visually right? No there is no way. I can't be human! I just can't be! He was there; he was with me in my room. He was always there and the meadow…

The meadow, it had to still be there. It just had to. Unless like everything else; it was fake to, gone. No everything can't be gone Edward can't be gone! Nessie can't be gone! NO!

I didn't notice how hard I was biting my lip until I tasted the blood in my mouth. The rusty salty tasting fluid in my mouth made me want to barf. I felt sick; my head was dizzy and my palms started to sweat.

The only thing that looked reasonable for me to spit in was the hospital dress on me. I tried to grab a wad of dress and pull it up to my mouth but my arms didn't budge. "Mmmmmm" I half mumbled my lip was visibly bleeding now.

"Oh honey" mom said "Here take this" she put a napkin near my mouth, which I used to wipe my tongue on.

Blood… something I had such a desire for, something that made my throat burn when I thought of it, something that I didn't have to train myself, to not go after. How did something I use to have such a powerful pull for, suddenly have the opposite effect on me? It's because I'm _human. _The thought made me shudder and my mom noticed.

"Oh honey, are you cold?" she pulled the limp light blue blanket higher up on me.

"Don't worry Bella; Dr. Facinelli will be in shortly." As if that was his cue, a tall well looking man walked in. He had a nice gentle looking face, brown hair, and a little bit of five o'clock shadow.

Even after the man walked in I still was expecting Carlisle to walk in behind him. I was still expecting to… I don't know what I was expecting. Not this. If it's true and I've really been in a coma for the last four years… the scar.

I abruptly tried to pull my arm up, but it didn't budge, then I remembered that it was strapped down.

"Mom" when I said that I felt filled, and new? Like I actually hadn't said that word in a long time.

"Yea baby?"

"Could you pull up my sleeves? Umm…I'm hot," no actually I was pretty good.

"Sure, uh Charlie you want to get that sleeve?" Without hesitating they both un-tucked the selves from the harnesses and rolled up the sleeves. I looked down, almost positive I was going to see the scar. It wasn't there. Gone. Like everything else I knew.

I had forgotten about the doctor standing in the room, well until he spoke, "Mr. And Mrs. Swan;"

"Um Mrs. Dwyer" Mom interrupted. Aww, she really got married to Phil and I wasn't there.

"Sorry, Isabella seems to be going through what we call the 'wake up' process. She seems to of skipped a level of the waking up process thought, 'waking up' is a slow process of what we call 'emerging.' The first part of the waking up process is when the eyes open and they have wake/sleep cycles, the sleep cycles being the longest. As the wake cycles get longer and longer, movement begins to occur; then speech; then purposeful movement; reaching for things, making things work -- purposeful speech -- asking questions." He paused and flashed his green eyes at me. Then back to my parents.

"Isabella seems to be past the 'emerging' part, which is a good and bad thing. If her brain hasn't gone through the first stage, then there is a higher chance she will have brain problems in the future. Now were not exactly sure so we'd like to run a few test on her check her vital waves and brain waves for any possible small problems we can diagnose for the future." He paused either for dramatic effect or to let everything soak in.

"We want to start her out with a CT scan of her brain; we might want to do an MRI if it comes to that. We'll need one of your signatures to allow the CT scan."

"I'll sign it" Charlie stated not loud but there was a hint of confidence. "I just want my Bells to get better."

"After the test we can move her to the ICU and if nothing gets worse and everything looks good then I can dismiss her, but she will have to stay in the ICU a minimal of three weeks, to undergo the recovery process."

"What is the recovery rate?" Renée asked. I was thinking the same thing.

Rate of recovery? It varies, obviously. But the important yardstick is the patient's ability to communicate on a consistent basis. Everyone is warned that their loved one could stay at any level of recovery after the first year and a half, then make small gains for an undetermined amount of time -- even years later. I feel Isabella will progress fine and her recovery rate will not last long. I will recommend appropriate medical care and rehabilitation seminars even after she is dismissed. "

"Like a shrink?" Go figure mom would ask that. I mentally laughed.

"Well, we don't really call them shrinks, but yes. Or just find her someone to talk to, when she needs to and be there for her recovery."

"How long until I go into the CT scan?" I hadn't really meant to talk just think, but it came out anyways. Everyone's eyes flashed to me. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks. The doctors' lips pulled a little at the corners.

"Well I can try and schedule an emergency CT scan but even if that goes through you would still have to wait at least an hour."

"Can you try to get me in as soon as possible?" Heck I was making conversation, might as well keep the mouth at work.

"Right away, if there's no more questions."

"I have one, well two actually, one when can I get these straps off, and two can I eat? " I asked. I was surprisingly hungry. Mmmmm a nice juicy burger with lettuce, and tomatoes, and cheese, Mmmmm wow I'm fantasizing over a burger.

My mother laughed a half hearted laugh, "but Bella you never eat"

"I know but I'm hungry! I want a burger,"

"Okay okay. I'll go get you a garden burger,"

"No I want an actual burger, with actual beef," the look on my mother's face was priceless. She came really close to me pretending to be searching for something.

"Who are you and what have you done to my Bella?" I rolled my eyes. She kissed my forehead. "I'll go get you your 'All American burger'" Mom left and the doctor followed her out.

"Oh" he stopped in the door frame. "I'll have a nurse come UN hook those" he pointed to the straps all around me.

"Thank you!" then he left.

Charlie sat in the chair where Renée had been sitting and took my hand. He didn't look in my eyes when he spoke but I could, tell he was serious.

"Bella" he started "I really think when we get out of here you should stay with your mom, move back to Arizona."

"But dad I didn't even get to stay with you for a day. Yes it's been four years but I still want to stay in Forks. I can get my own house and start a job, go to a community college. Please dad." I was practically begging.

"Okay, but you should tell your mother."

And the day went on.

The nurses came in UN strapped me, and I ate my _really _good burger. I fell asleep about three times throughout the day. Hey I even know what the date is now. March 31 2009, and I'm stationed –as the nurses put it—at the Harbor view Medical center in Seattle Washington. Dr. Facinelli was able to schedule a CT scan but it had to wait until tomorrow morning.

Yet as all the good news comes I'm affected the most by the bad news. I couldn't hold myself to think Edward; the love of my life was really truly…gone. I still wouldn't let my mind think that. No matter what. I would find the Cullen's. I would find my love, and my child. This was all just one bug nightmare and I was waiting for the awakening.

**A.N Sorry the endings not the best but i needed to get a new chapter up! Please tell me what you think.**


	4. The House

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.  
-Dante

It's been three day since I was let out of the hospital. My Vitals were fine blood count, heart rate, and CT scan was practically perfect. Yet my heart felt as if it had been torn out, sliced, stomped on, and then thrown back in wanting me to use it fully. The hole deep in my chest felt like a black hole, like it was slowly sucking all my life out of me and that sooner or later it would suck my body in to and I'd disappear like a puff of smoke.

The first day home was awkward; mom came over stayed the night, Dad slept on the couch so mom could sleep in his bed. Another hint that he wasn't ready to lose her. And I, I wasn't ready to lose Edward.

Mom left the second day, abruptly to around 6:00am she woke me with a quick kiss told me she loved me and left. I didn't want an explanation nor was I expecting one, so I went on with my life. Charlie and I started looking into school. Because I was two years behind, I was going to be doing online schooling. I had already signed up for it and paid the two year tuition. I would immediately be starting classes on Thursday, (it's Tuesday) and my main priority was finishing out this year, and then waiting for school to start again in September… In September I was going to be turning twenty. Wow I am turning twenty…

I was able to find a job at a small burger shop called Sully's Burgers, where I worked Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and part time on Saturday. On Tuesdays, and Thursdays, I would work at the Bed and Breakfast cleaning and preparing food for the guest. With both jobs and schooling I would be busy, but it would pay the bills. Charlie and I were now looking for a place for me to rent or buy. We found a nice little white house that I might invest in. Charlie said he would help me pay for it but I would have to pay all the bills and stuff after that. So I had two days until I started school and two days to go where I wanted. And I knew exactly where that was. The weird thing to me was that almost everything is the same. Charlie still got me the Old read truck, and the town looked about the same, well there would be some things missing like a store or a house but my memory could be playing tricks on me to. And that's what I hope was happening, my memory was playing tricks and that Zafrina was somewhere near me making me think all this was happening.

"So what do you plan on doing today Bells?" Charlie asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Um…" I hesitated, because to be truthful I didn't know what I was going to do. Then it hit me and I knew."I'm going to go look around the town, get a better feel for it. It's small so it shouldn't take that long." I paused not knowing if he would let me.

"Ok well I'm going over to the station, see if there's anything exciting there." He kissed my head and walked out.

I watched out the window as his car silently pulled out on to a deserted street. I waited until he was out of sight to grab my coat, my wallet and my keys. I locked the door behind me got in my car and took off like a slug. Damn this car for being so slow. With a screech and a grunt the motor finally started up and then the car moved. I knew the route like the back of my hand, every turn and every stop was etched into my brain never to be forgotten. I drove along the road looking for the small opening, and then I saw it. I pulled a sharp right and followed the new road.

The trees and bushes were so over grown that they looked like lost souls reaching for me, begging for me to help, but I didn't stop. I knew my actual soul was in there, somewhere reaching for me I wanted to go back, so badly. I wanted everything to be back the way it was, but if this was my "life" then there was no going back. The place where my heart use to be ached. It ached for the love I once felt, the happiness I lived and the joy my life had once been. It ached for it all and I knew that it wasn't coming back. I guess the grown part of me, hurt the most, but the other part of me accepted it, when your broken once it don't hurt nearly as bad the second time. Yet you feel emptier the second time.

My truck rounded the last corner, and I pulled into the clearing, I stomped onto the breaks and stared. I didn't move I didn't breath, and I didn't blink. I just sat there and looked at it. Without taking my eyes off of it I opened the door and stepped out. I walked forward. The vines were creeping up the columns spiraling towards the sky. I ran my hand along the chipping paint and climbed the stairs, each one groaning or cracking under the weight they had never felt. I walked forward taking my hand off the column and dropping it by my side.

I stood directly in front of the door, looking at the cracked wood, the molding paint, and the rusty knob. My hand slowly reached for the knob and when making contact with it the door opened. Rusty flakes floated to the floor, like blood stained snow around my feet. I entered the dark room. Light shown in only in a few spots where boards were broken or falling off. It was exactly the same, but the furniture wasn't there.

I walked a little farther in. I looked around and then I saw it. It was just there. A black leather couch, torn and moldy but still there. I feel to my knees. My arms felt like rubber my heartfelt shriveled and I cried. Silent tears rolling one by one down my face and plopping on the floor. I cried for the life I was living, I cried for the pain, I cried for the emptiness and for once… I cried for myself. I slowly sank further to the ground and cried. I closed my eyes still letting tears role their way. But I watch the other memories as they played back for me on the inside of my eyes.

_Renesmee, she's sitting across from me. On the edge of the dining rooms table. It's her first birthday. She already opened her presents. Alice dressed her in a small blue dress that you would see on a princess… only four times smaller. Her legs are dangling off the table swinging back and forth. Her hair is cascading over her shoulders is small curls. Her bangs held off to the side by a small white butterfly clip. She looked so beautiful! So much older then she really was. She didn't like the cake and loved how the ice cream was cold. At this moment were all sitting around her watching her every move. She was going to show us all a trick Uncle Emmett had thought her. Folding her thumb in her right hand so it looked hidden then gripping her left thumb she showed us how she could take her thumb off and put it back on. Of Course we all knew it was a trick but we all sat in a fake awe asking each other out loud how she did it. Emmett stood up obviously proud with a goofy grin on his face and started clapping. We all joined in, she jumped off the table and took a small curtsy for everyone, her eyes were not satisfied though and her face was not smiling. Then she ran into my arms._

"_Mommy I know you all know how to do the trick…Uncle Emmett said you would all be faking it." I shot a glare at Emmett and he just rolled his eyes and looked away._

"_No baby actually we were faking nothing, I had never seen you do that trick before so how could I of known?"_

"_Good" she said then hugged me._

A loud bang woke me. I hadn't noticed that I was a sleep until I opened my eyes. Could I have dreamed the bang? It was darker now but I didn't care, I didn't care what time it was or how long I had been here.

I pushed myself up and started walking to the stairs.

"Renesmee?" a voice called out. I froze. It was my voice but I had not moved my mouth.

"Mommy I can't see?" Her bell voice tinkled from the hallway above. My heart stuttered then started again but faster.

"Baby where are you why can't you see" I heard my voice say again but I still hadn't actually said it. There was another crash, and I bolted up the stairs. Running down the hall to the third door on the left. Barging in. there was nothing there. But an old dresser covered with cobweb. Then I saw it. Over in the right far corner of the room barley illuminated in the dark. Her body on the floor, curled over and her eyes closed. "Renesmee?" Came a voice over my left shoulder. I quickly turned around and screamed. There was me…as a vampire, staring at my child.

"Open your eyes." I, she said. I watch horror struck as the lady…as I walked over to my daughter. "If you don't open your eyes then you won't be able to see!" she, me, I exclaimed.

"No mommy I can't" Renesmee shook her head in a rush.

"Why not?" I replied with my other self. This time _I_ actually spoke. I remembered this moment as it played before me.

"I'm worried that if I open my eyes in the dark, I won't like what I see." She whispered. I gasped as I remembered what happened next. The door behind me opened with a bang so loud I had to cover my ears.

"Is everything ok?"

I couldn't hold back the gasp at his voice. I turned slowly as if I was afraid to look at what once had been. And he was there. In front of me. His face sharp with concern. Just as I remembered it. The cry that had bubbled up in my throat burst from my lips, a cry of pain. I ran and reached for him. He was there right in front of me.

"EDWARD!" I yelled. Tripping I fell on my knees I cried again harder. He's right there. "Edward, I'm here, Edward I'm here for you." He couldn't hear me and continued to stare at the scene behind me. "Please" I begged choking on my own words "PLEASE! Edward I'm here look at me! Please." He couldn't hear me. "Save me Edward. Help me, find me. I NEED YOU; PLEASE!" I let my body fall to the ground as harsh sobs wrenched though me. My fists were in balls and I hit them on the ground as hard as I could. With the last once of energy my body had I reached for him. My hand slid easily through his image. Then he started fading. And I reached for him again not wanting to lose the image of him. My other self and Renesmee were also fading. Then they were all gone. With a flash Renesmee was back in the corner and I was gone.

"Renesmee?" My other voice called from somewhere below.

The scene was replaying itself again. A memory lost in time, plucked from the past that couldn't be pulled away from this house. I image forever haunting this room.

My body shutdown, defeated, yet I watched as the memory played again, Jumping when the door slammed open, silently whispering his name when he came in. then disappeared. And it played again and again and again and not once did I close my eyes. Soaking in as much as I could. Then it didn't play again, and the house went silent not a noise to be heard. I didn't cry as the scenes played over and over again I didn't cry when Edward ignored my quiet pleas, but when the house went dead quiet, I cried. I eventually cried myself to a deep sleep. One that no one could pull me from.

**I didn't expect for this chapter to turn out the way it did… sadder then I was going for. I'm working on the next chapter.**


	5. The Conversation

It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise.  
-Eric Hoffer

I opened my eyes to the sounds of flapping wings. There were two black beady eyes staring at me. Screaming I quickly got up and the crow took off cawing as it flew tough a broken crack in the wall. Memories of the night before flooded into me and my eyes widened. He was here, and now he was gone. My heart ached with so much pain I had to hold the wall and close my eyes. As soon as I regained myself I looked around the empty room: my eyes wandering to the spots where images once stood. Would they be back? I stood alone, by myself in a room that once held so much happiness. Now it held sadness and a broken life.

I remembered the last time I was in this room. I had sat on the edge of Nessie bed watching an angle sleep. Thinking _"How could this be real?" _Edward had walked into the room and was standing behind me. My shield was off and he heard that thought. Taking my head in his hands still ever so lightly he raised my chin. _"I'm here Bella"_ he had whispered. _"I'm here and always here for you my love"_ then he placed a light kiss on my lips and took my hand into his. When he held my hand there was always something that reassured me, told me through actions that everything was going to be okay, that we were all here, together forever; but we weren't and knowing that, hurt the most.

The sun blazed through an open crack the same one the crow had flown through. Sun. Oh no, what time is it. I didn't have a watch or a cell phone. Crap Charlie must be so worried about me. I quickly ran out of the room but a creak in the floor boards stopped me. I looked down at my feet, and then I quickly counted the boards from the left side of the room to the creaking one. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…7. Gasping I fell to the floor raking my fingers at the board. My fingers started bleeding but I continued to try and loosen it. With a final crack it popped up, just enough for me to stick my hand through. My fingers wrapped around the small body of the doll and ever so slowly pulled it out. I was afraid that when my hand surfaced again the doll wouldn't be there, so I tightened my grip around it.

There it was. The dress was a pink -well, nightgown not a dress- with white polka dots. It had a head full of short brown hair and brown eyes. It was my old doll, the one that I had given to Renesmee to keep as her own. When I gave it to her we would always hide it under the floor board; seven boards from the left wall. She hid it because she didn't want to lose it. I hugged the doll to my chest, letting a few tears escape. Not sad tears but relief tears because this proved that something was wrong with my "Life". This proved that I did have a daughter and this small doll gave me reassurance.

Holding the doll I walked from the house closing the door softly behind me. Not once did I put the doll down. When I got back in the truck, I laid the doll besides me and put the keys in the ignition. The truck let out a grumble then died. I tried again, this time it didn't even grumble.

"Are you serious?" I yelled at the truck then hit the wheel with my fists. The engine roared to life. Backing up as fast as I could, I hurried out of the opening and onto the small road. I wanted to get as close to home as I could before this thing died on me again. I got all the way home… surprisingly. I reached for the small doll, holding it as if it were the Ming dynasty vase. But in my eyes this simple little doll, was priceless, I tucked it into my jacket oh so carefully then got out of the truck and headed for the house. I found Charlie frantically talking on the phone. He looked at the door as I was opening it and then sighed as I walked through, ended his conversation with whomever, and threw the disregarded phone onto the couch.

"Oh Bella, where have you been?" To be truthful he sounded a little like mom.

"I got lost" I said

"You got lost? How do you get lost in this town?"

"Um… I was driving and I just kept following the road then next thing I know I had no Idea where I was" my lying sounded surprisingly true, even to me. "Then I just slept in my truck and followed the road back. I'm sorry dad I didn't think it could happen" He looked at me with a concerned look on his face, and then slowly smiled. It was a sad smile but I could understand why. He pulled my into an awkward side hug.

"I was really worried about you Bella; I called everywhere, the station, Sully's, the res, the B&B"

"Wait," I said "the res?" My heart started to fill with happiness and joy. The res!

"Yes, I suppose you wouldn't exactly remember, but my old friend Billy, Billy Black, you met him when you were younger, he lives on the reservation."

"With Jacob?" I asked my voice filled with hope.

"Well Jacob moved to Seattle with his sister Rachel, she's attending school there, and he's taking some engineering classes at the UW thanks to her."

All the happiness that I had felt fill my heart, was violently sucked out of the bottom again. I tried not to let it show on my face, and smile, but I guess Charlie knows the difference between a smile and a contorted smile.

"What's the matter Bells?" he started to reach out hesitantly but then dropped his arm at his side.

"It's just, I feel like I've missed everything."

"Oh that's nonsense, your still young, at the peak of life; you have so many wonderful things to achieve in life. You're a beautiful young woman, and you have so much ahead of you, believe me you didn't miss anything."

I smiled at him, Charlie had changed, and he wasn't that awkward father anymore. I guess going through what he did, almost losing his only daughter made him realize something. And I was grateful for that. It made me happy; he was that small bit of light in the darkness that seemed to envelope me.

**AN: So… it's been almost 1yr and a half….. heh… Screw an explanation, just know I'm back and I hope I'm here to stay! Please could you hold back on the flames about it being so long, I know how long it's been and I am REALLY sorry! Also, just found this chapter in my files, and had no idea what I was thinking when I originally wrote it, so I tried to finish it as non-boringly as possible, but I will admit I was so lost on what to write. And on top of that, ('cause you know there just has to be something else) I have no clue where my outline of this story went, so I've been trying to pull memories from the dusty filing cabinet in my head labeled BAWM (Black and White Memories, just in case you didn't catch the acronym) with no prevail. So be prepared for anything, because even I'm not sure where this story is going to go. Thanks a bunch! ~Ezz **


	6. The Voices

"You have to forgive to forget, and forget, to feel again."  
-Author unknown.

Night was approaching quickly, as I searched my room for my lap top. My first day of online school was tomorrow, and I had no clue as to what I was to expect to come out of that. It could either turn out to be really good, or terrible. Only time would tell. I saw a blinking light out of the corner of my eye and quickly turned towards the source. There was my laptop sitting on my desk basking in its glory. All though I could have sworn I looked on the desk, I mean it is the most obvious first place to look.

I gathered it then sat on my bed next to the doll I had pulled from the house. I constantly looked at the doll for reassurance; it was my reminder to not give up on what I knew was out there. I opened the laptop and booted up Google chrome. I typed in 'vampires' and clicked on the sight I barely remembered visiting oh so long ago. **Access Denied, **flashed across the screen in big bold red letters. Almost like when I was back in school and certain site pertaining pictures would be blocked.

I went back to the home page and tried a different link. Same thing **Access Denied**. I tried four more sights all came up with the same page, same painfully obvious message. I typed other things into the search engine, pertaining to Italian Vampire myths, and Shape shifters, as well as the Spanish influenza, but for every page that I opened I got the same **Access Denied** message. So I searched kittens, and guess what every site that I opened containing anything remotely related to kittens, worked fine for me. No **Access Denied** popping up.

Frustrated I closed my lap top in a rather harsh manner. It was like anything that had shown up in my 'dream' had been erased or was not allowing me to look back upon it. I shuddered at the thought, and immediately started to think back to everything that happened, I was trying to remember every little detail, but every time I thought I was remembering something it would slip from my minds grasp.

I couldn't remember.

I could remember names, and faces; but I couldn't remember the details.

I remember warmth, happiness, I remember my family. I could remember the larger things, like the house, and the wedding. But all the in between details were just areas of dark. It was exactly like a fading dream the more I tried to remember the more I forgot. But I wouldn't accept that, I grabbed the doll next to me and closed my eyes tightly. I willed my brain to remember, I concentrated so hard on finding these memories, pushing myself to remember just one moment. Then I saw it, I saw us sitting in his room just conversing. But everything was turning painfully bright, becoming hard to look at. Another memory flashed in my mind, of Edward in my room at night. But too quickly it turned blindingly bright just like the other. More memories flooded my head, all turning in to brightness, making me want to close my minds eyes.

"_**You want memories!" **_a voice said angrily into my head. And I jumped about a foot in bed and my eyes snapped open, but the memories were still coming I could still see them in front of me.

"_**Take them, take them all!"**_ the voice said again, it was so clear and there, like someone had spoken directly into my ear but no one was there.

The memories came faster now, at a pace that hurt my eyes, and made everything look like a blindingly bright blur. There were flashes of kisses, and smiles, and yelling, and touching; pleasure and pain. All snippets feeling as if they were shoved violently into my head then pulled out just as harshly. _**"Enjoy them!" **_the Voice said, then a burst of hot pain erupted behind my eyes, at the base of my skull and spread like wildfire throughout my mind.

I gripped my head in a death lock closing my eyes again and screamed. The scream tore through me leaving my throat raw and my lips chapped. I lost all feeling in my body except for the pain in my head, and fell off my bed and to the ground. Another screamed pursed through my now shaking body. It felt as if my brain was going to explode.

And I almost wished it did, just to save me from this terrible pain, I wished that at this moment I would die.

"Bella?" Charlie yelled from somewhere below me, but he sounded as if he stood on the other side of the town.

I tried to say his name, but my vocal chords made no sound. The pain in my head burst again and the flashes of pictures in my mind didn't cease. My mind could only register a few things for brief moments.

Warmth on my shoulder.

Charlie's voice.

My muscles contracting and elongating as I was moved.

Pain.

So much pain.

"Please" I whispered to the pain and memories. "Please take them back, I don't want them anymore." Which right now was completely true, I wanted to forget everything.

"Bella, were going to get you to the hospital, don't worry." That was Charlie. But he sounded like he had tape over his mouth. Why was he so quiet I could hardly hear him?

"Please stop it" I think I whispered again, the thing was I couldn't hear my own voice so I didn't know for sure.

"_Push it away"_ It was the Voice but it was different, it was softer, feminine.

"How?" I thought, I couldn't believe it actually I was talking to a voice inside my head. I'm crazy.

"_Push it away, block the memories, and push them out of your mind" _I tried to 'push' them out. I tried with all my might to block out these painful attachments, but nothing happened.

"_Remember what it was like, push yourself, and fend off the pain." _What was the Voice talking about? Remember what? I didn't want to remember anything; I just wanted everything to stop. I thought about the training I had done with Zafrina how I had to open myself up with her. So I did the opposite and I imagined closing myself off to the world. I imagined bringing my aura closer against myself. I literally imagined pushing these memories out of the door to my mind.

Then it was silent.

The pain was gone, the memories were gone.

"_Congratulations"_ the Voice said, and then I felt it disappear as well.

* * *

"_You're in the hospital" _No, oh no, not the Voice. I groaned and brought my hands to my head. I tried to push the voice away.

"_**You can't get rid of us that easily."**_ Oh no, there were two? I groaned again and started tapping my head with my hands, trying so hard for the Voices to go away. But two rough unfamiliar hands grabbed my wrists and pulled them to my sides.

My eye slowly opened expecting to see Dr. Facinelli but instead was face to face with someone I had never seen before. He was lean looking, with a long angular face and very sharp features. I retracted from the man, trying to get as far away as possible.

He strapped both of my wrists to the table, then looked at me.

"We don't want you hurting yourself anymore then you already have." He said in a smooth cold voice, the kind that sent chills up your spine. This is exactly what it did to me.

"Wh-what do you mean" My voice came out in a rough croak and those simple words seemed to strain my vocal chords and scrape against my throat.

"You are in a very unstable condition right now, it would not be appropriate to go into further detail with you."

"What are you talking about? Where am I?" Now that I actually looked around I could see that the room I was in was smaller than a hospital room, there was a window to my left. The glass had large chicken wire in it and there were bars outside of frame. There was a small metal chair attached to the wall by the window. There was a very small almost nightstand looking table next to the bed, which was also attached to the wall. But other than that there was this bed I was in and two florescent lights above me. And Charlie was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's my father?"

"At the moment he is probably at home."

"What do you mean at home, shouldn't he be here? He wouldn't leave me without knowing if I was okay."

"Believe me Ms. Swan we have already assured your father that you are in good care and that we would do the best to our abilities to rid you of your mental problems."

"Mental problems?" I questioned, my voice rising slightly.

"Yes, your father had mentioned you would often seem in a trance, walking around the house with no purpose mumbling incoherent sentences, talking about things you were positive had happened, then there was also your two episodes at the Hospital when you first woke up, as well as the…" I stopped him before he could continue.

"Wait, I don't remember any of those trance things ever happening!" I said "there is nothing wrong with me honestly Sir; I don't know why I'm in here."

This time he interrupted me. "This is why your here!" He said impatiently while thrusting a mirror at me. My eyes were bloodshot, and had huge purple and blue circles around them. Parts of my hair were crusted with blood and my lips were so raw they looked like they might burst with blood at any moment. My skin was sickly pale with an almost green tint.

"What happened to me?" I whispered.

The man continued as if I hadn't said anything. "Then there was your recent episode where you were talking about voices in your head, you were screaming and sounded as if there was something in you. You constantly said "Be quiet" and "get out of my head" we ruled out that the best thing for you at the moment was to be put here under the watchful eyes of nurses and doctors."

"I shouldn't be here." Charlie would have never agreed to this.

"Your father was the one who recommended it" the man said almost snidely as if he had read my mind.

"_He's lying" _I almost didn't hear the soft voice.

"You're lying." I said to the man why I was listening to this Voice? I do not know, because it had helped me push away the memories.

The man looked surprised at my retort and I took it as a moment to become above him in this conversation. "My father would never send me here, I know him better then you do. He would never do this to me." Calmly the man grabbed a folder and pulled out a piece of paper then held it in front of me. My eyes were drawn to two red tabs at the bottom of the page.

"Those tabs mark are where your father signed the release papers. He had time to rethink his decisions Ms. Swan, and he didn't."

Tear gathered in my eyes and my head started to ache.

"_He's lying" _

"You're lying!" I screamed at the man; anger, tinting my vision red.

"_**You're crazy Bella"**_

"I'm not crazy." I sobbed. The man pulled a small syringe from his lab coat pocket.

"It's okay Bella" he said as he up capped the needle. "We're just here to help you"

"_He's lying"_

The man tapped the needle and pushed some of the substance out. Can you agree it was evil scientist cliché to the max?

He brought the needle closer to my arm, and I tried to bend and pull my arm away.

"_**You've lost it"**_

"What's in there?" I asked my voice quivering

"Just a small anesthetic to help you calm down."

"_He's lying"_

"No, you're lying, stop, please stop!" I screamed. The prick in my arm as the needle entered hurt more than I thought it would. Everything started going fuzzy and I felt my head slouch.

Darkness was starting to obscure my vision and I held onto the last shred of light.

"Everything is going according to plan, Aro"

"_**You're crazy Bella"**_

* * *

**AN: Quick question: About how long do you guys want these chapters to be?**

**On another note: If you found this chapter confusing, good cause that's kind of what I was going for. Also this is where the story will take off, hopefully! The beginning was just fillers, trying to set the mood (in a way.) If you have question ask, and I will do my best to answer them without giving away what's to happen. **

**On another note x2: My Life as Liz is getting a second season! Can I get a w00t w00t?**

**~Ezz**


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